Murder is a Flarkin' Team Sport!

Listen up, ya bunch of flarkin’ amateurs—

You think Star-Lord is the leader of the Guardians? That helmet-wearing disaster with the dance moves and daddy issues? Please. I’m Rocket. The brains, the brawn, and the only one here who knows what he’s doin’. And today, I’m gonna walk you through how to obliterate the Marvel Universe with MY deck. So open your eyes, shut your mouth, and try to keep up. Or don’t—I don’t care.

Step One: Join the Flarkin’ Team

First off, slap on that Guardians of the Galaxy trait like you belong here. Then go dig up Knowhere —no, not metaphorically. The card. It’s a location. Thinking two steps ahead, I included Build Support to find them. If you’re lost already, use my Alter-Ego to draw some cards and stop embarrassing yourself.

Step Two: Recruit My Trigger-Happy A-Team

Time to build the crew. Use "Welcome Aboard" unless you enjoy paying full price for things, in which case you deserve every loss you get.

Major Victory – Yeah, the name sucks. But when he kicks the bucket, you get to ready a Guardian. He dies a lot. That's his whole thing. Use him like a meat shield with delusions of grandeur.

Gamora – She slices, she dices, and she gives you another card. Just don’t mention her dad. Seriously. Don't.

Star-Lord – He’s annoying, reckless, and makes everything more expensive. But fine, he hits hard. Just keep him at the back of the ship. And never let him lead.

Groot – Giant tree. Really flammable. Won’t shut up. But hey, he soaks damage like a champ, so I tolerate him. By the way, whenever he says "I'm Groot" he insults your mother.

Drax – Now we’re talkin’. Big green wrecking ball. Best guy for a Mass Attack. Never showers and doesn’t understand metaphors, but who needs ‘em?

Step Three: Buff the Hell Outta My Team

We ain’t just showin’ up—we’re showin’ up armed. Slap on:

Inspired Think of it as a Monster Energy drink for morons.

Laser Blaster Pew. Pew.

Reinforced Suit Stayin' Alive. Stayin' Alive. I know Disco.

Honorary Guardian Yeah, yeah, they all are already Guardians but I tell Drax if he's good, he gets to be an Honorary Guardian. If you slap one of those be-yatches on me, I may die when I AM-SCRAY after I play Blaze of Glory. You think I'm going down with the ship? What are you, a half-bred Kree?

Boom. More damage, more health, more card draw, more everything. Your allies are now certified weapons of mass destruction. You’re welcome.

You need more card draw, on every turn you flip to Alter-Ego, take away the tech toys from your friends. The funniest **** I ever saw was when I removed Reinforced Suit from Star-Lord just to watch him die.

Step Four: Go Full Flarkin’ Nuke

Use Mass Attack to unload holy hell. You get three allies hittin’ for 4 each plus my paws? That’s 14 damage right in the villain’s stupid face. Add Blaze of Glory for an all-in final strike for 22. Yeah, your team might die. But you’ll look awesome doing it.

Let Groot tank the weaklings. Let Major Victory die—again. What, you think I’m gonna take hits? The hell’s wrong with you?

Final Tips from the Genius in the Room

Leo Fitz I'm Raccoon enough to admit I get a little bump in my Rocket when Leo gives me any tech I ask him for. He works for SHIELD, but don't hold that against him

Ingenuity = free resources. Duh. I invented half the crap in this deck.

Endurance because I'm a squishy raccoon, not an armadillo.

Booster Boots because I'm a squishy raccoon, not an armadillo. Do I stutter?

Use my weapons. Keep me alive. Everyone else is replaceable. If you kill Gamora, she may sic her Dad on you. Make sure you glue Thanos's fingers together so he can't snap you out of existence.

And that’s it. You run this right and pilot a starship made of napalm and sarcasm. Have fun with my deck. Don’t screw it up.

Sincerely, Rocket, True Leader of the Guardians of the Freakin’ Galaxy

P.S. If you lose, it's probably your fault. Not mine. Definitely not mine.

P.S.S. If you want stupid bird cards, you came to the wrong place. This reminds me, one time Falcon beat me in poker, so I kidnapped Redwing and hid him in Groot's glory hole for an entire year.

P.S.S.S. If you want diversity, you definitely came to the wrong place. You want diversity, go visit [Maria Hill, DEI Director of SHIELD.](https://marvelcdb.com/decklist/view/51170/maria-hill-she-her-dei-director-of-s-h-i-e-l-d-1.